A Lesson in Heraldry
by i.paint.the.sky
Summary: Written for the DA kinkmeme. Elissa is tired of Alistair getting all the nice armor and decides to show him she's strong enough to handle it ... and him.


Note: Another kinkmeme fic from me, like "The Mage Who Dared" I have made a few small changes to it since posting. The prompt for this one was to see a playful fight between Alistair and Lady Cousland over who gets to claim some new gear they found, since it sucks when your boyfriend gets all the good stuff, while you're stuck with whatever Tier 4 crap you picked up several days ago. Since I love silliness, I just could not resist this one.

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**A Lesson in Heraldry**

"It's so shiny!"

Alistair had to grin at his companion's reaction. Elissa Cousland never failed to challenge his expectations of what noblewomen said or did. Granted, the only noblewoman he'd spent much time around was Arlessa Isolde and she probably wasn't the best example, all things considered. Still, he had gotten the _distinct_ impression that Elissa was far from ordinary, in so many ways.

Normal or not, her assessment of their latest find was definitely accurate. He walked towards the armour, lifting up the breastplate and looking at it closer. It was covered in gore from the small group of darkspawn the pair had just dispatched but by now he was used to that and could easily look past to the finery underneath. "It definitely is, or at least it will be once we wash it off a bit. And look, it's even my size!"

The change on Elissa's face was instant and terrifying. He spun around, expecting to see an ogre or worse standing behind him, assuming there was something worse than an ogre and at this point he wouldn't be surprised. But there was absolutely nothing. He turned back and she was still standing there, her expression the same.

"What?"

"Who said that _you_ get it?"

"Well ..." he stammered, "it's not big enough for Sten and Morrigan wouldn't wear it, so that just leaves ..."

Elissa took a step forward, causing Alistair to jump back. "What about me."

"You? But you're not strong enou - I mean ... it's very heavy you know and I just thought-"

She laughed but it wasn't the usual sound that made his stomach do backflips – though the harshness did make him quiver inside a bit more. "You just thought that you'd take this one, same as every other nice piece we've found so far and just leave me with your castoffs."

"I, uh ..."

She took another step forward and another, drawing closer and closer. He tried to back up some more but ended up running into a very poorly placed tree. Alistair swallowed hard as the final distance between them disappeared and Elissa's hands came out towards him. He thought she was going to take the breastplate and so released his grasp, only to have it crash loudly to the ground. And suddenly she'd grabbed onto him, pulling him forward.

"Not so weak, am I?" she asked, holding him firm.

Alistair's mind went blank. While this wasn't exactly a rare phenomenon, it was particularly untimely at the moment. And so, since reason was failing him, the only thing to do was rely on instinct.

He pushed her.

Not too hard, mind you, but enough to make her stumble and release her grip, if only slightly. And as her fingers loosened he took first a step and then a leap backwards.

Regaining her composure far too quickly – really, it was almost unnatural, or at least unnatural to him – Elissa looked over at him, eyebrows raised. "So that's how it is, is it?"

"I uh ... guess so," he managed to stammer out.

She watched him carefully, then smiled. "Very well but you had best prepare yourself."

"For wha- omph!"

All the air was knocked out of his lungs as she charged at him, the full force of her weight crashing into him. And then she was the one pushing as he desperately tried to keep his footing. He was successful too, until he felt her foot slip back behind his ankle. As he began to fall though, he reached out and grabbed onto her upper arm and together they fell onto the ground.

This time, Alistair was the first to recover his wits – he hadn't endured through templar training for nothing – and he immediately scrambled up did his best to subdue his opponent. It was only after he was on his hands and knees, looming over her, that he realized the fact that he was, well, looming right _on top_ of her. He swallowed hard but maintained his position, pinning Elissa to the ground.

She stared at at him, her blue eyes wide and blinking, her hair tangled and now covered in dirt. Like so many times during this journey he could practically see her mind churning through thoughts but, like so many times during this journey, he had no idea what exactly she was planning.

"Elissa?" he said softly.

"Yes, Alistair?" she replied, her tone sweet – too sweet.

"If I let you up, are you going to attack me again?"

She shrugged, or at least she tried to. "You're just going to have to try it and find out."

That wasn't exactly helpful but there wasn't much else he could do, unless he planned to keep her pinned her forever. Though that didn't sound so ba– no, no no no. He released his grip on her wrists, then started straightening up into a kneeling position.

Or at least that was his plan. Elissa though, as always, had something else entirely in mind and instead of letting him up she reached for him and pulled down, down, down, until his face was inches from his.

And then she kissed him.

She'd kissed him before but Alistair never expected when it happened, now least of all. And if this kiss and the events leading up to it had proved anything, it was that he would likely never learn how Elissa's mind worked. But he was okay with that because he had one thing learned instead, which was that when she kissed him, the best thing to do was to just go with and enjoy himself. And that's exactly what he did.

Lady Isolde had once read a poem to him, on one of those days when she decided that his mere existence didn't insult her as much. In it, there was this one line:_She's all states, and all princes, Nothing else is. _He'd always remembered it but never understood it. That was different now. He knew that they were lying on the ground, getting covered in dirt. He knew that the camp really wasn't all that far away. He knew that there was a good chance that eventually someone would come looking for them. But right in this moment, he couldn't have cared less.

His world right now was all lips and tangled limbs – bodies pressed together, hearts racing. He opened his eyes to look down at Elissa. No, wait, to look up at her? When had ... how ... didn't matter because she was grinding her hips against his groin and it felt so damn good.

"Alistair?" she whisper into his ear.

"Yea – uh?" was all he could manage as she began to suck on his earlobe. She teased it with her tongue, before letting go so she could speak again.

"You're not going to fight me over the armour anymore, are you?"

"No," he whispered, his voice shaking.

She pressed her lips against his jaw, trailing kisses. "And if we find even better armour later, you're not going to take it for yourself, right?"

"No."

She pulled herself up slightly, her face right before his. "You're not going to give me any trouble anymore at all?"

He shook his head.

"Good," Elissa murmured, leaning down to kiss him deeply. He closed his eyes again, revelling the moment.

And then suddenly it was over and Elissa was getting up, walking towards where the armour had fallen. She picked it up then turned back and smiled at him sweetly. "I think this will look wonderful on me." And then she walked away.

Alistair lay back on the ground, staring at the sky, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. "I ..." he started, then stopped. He was glad Morrigan wasn't here to point out how fish-like his mouth looked as he gaped.

"I am a weak, weak man."


End file.
